I was reading an article about the impacts of debt on millennial couples by therapist Emma Carpenter. While reading this article I thought about when my wife and I began our journey to pay down debt and decided to write about some ways, we can get our spouses on board with paying down debt. In the article Carpenter states:
“Quote“
“When one or both partners struggle with debt, it puts a strain on the relationship. Money is the second leading cause of divorce behind infidelity, so you need to talk about money with your partner, even if you aren’t married. When you’re unmarried, it can feel a bit awkward to talk about money and debt. Society tells us it’s impolite to ask those types of questions. It’s probably going to feel uncomfortable to talk about but keeping it a secret isn’t going to make it go away. When one or both partners in a relationship experience financial hardship, it impacts the relationship even if you’re not sharing finances. It dictates the type of lifestyle the couple can live. It limits the amount of money that can be spent going out together. It limits the amount of money that can be spent on living expenses, i.e., needing a cheaper/crappier apartment, ditching amenities like Netflix, gym memberships, etc. It changes the priorities to focus on making ends meet rather than experiences that bring the couple together.”
Source: The Impacts of Debt on Millennial Couples — A Better Life Therapy
Paying down debt can be exciting, therapeutic, and sometimes frustrating.
Creating a plan to pay down debt is essential for us to achieve financial independence. However, its not always easy to communicate with your partner about financials. In some households there can be two spenders, or a spender and a conservative spender. Sitting down and talking about finances can sometimes make us anxious and flustered. Being told “Please control your spending” isn’t always the easiest thing to hear. Paying down debt is viewed by many as boring, but what if we were to look at the long term? What if in 5 years your debt was paid down, and the family vacations didn’t affect your budget? What if you were able to save for a child’s business or college fund? I can go on about the possibilities, but the decision to start begins with you.
In the article mentioned above Carpenter shared some ways we can break the ice with our partner. Some of those are:
- ” I’ve been so stressed about money lately. My student loans are taking X-amount of my income every month and it’s killing my budget”
- “I saw this post today and I realized it’s something we don’t really talk about.”
- “Can we set aside time to talk about our budget? I just want to make sure we’re up to date on where we’re at with income vs expenses and savings”
Another thing mentioned was two questions we can ask to start talking about finances.
- “What does money mean to you?”
- “What was it like to have or not have money growing up?”
Source: The Impacts of Debt on Millennial Couples — A Better Life Therapy
Talking about our finances is where we can start our journeys. Below are some ways we can be creative in getting our spouses on board with paying down debt.
12 Creative ways to get your spouse on board with paying down debt
1. Create a budget together
One of the best ways to get your spouse on board with paying off debt is to create a budget together. Review your total income and discuss ways you can both improve your income. This can include attending some trainings, getting certificates, asking for a raise, or applying for jobs with more pay. It’s important to talk about our income first so that we limit singling each other out. Next, we can move into our spending and review were most of our money is going and identify spending habits. This will help you both see where you can cut back and make the necessary changes. Holding each other accountable is very important when budgeting. To create a budget we can use apps, create a spreadsheet, or even use old-fashioned pen and paper. After you’ve created your budget now its time to execute your plan and start paying down debt.
2. Talk about your financial goals
Talking about your financial goals as a couple is very important when tackling debt. It’s important to talk about your different approaches. There are different ways to pay down debt. Discussing your differences can help you find middle ground that works for both of you. That middle ground can help make sure you’re on the same page and it can also be a bonding experience. Remember paying down debt isn’t an overnight process and has its ups and downs. Being supportive is very important especially if there are compromises that need to take place.
3. Create a plan
Having a plan is key when it comes to paying off debt. Work together with your spouse to come up with a strategy for getting out of debt. This will help keep both of you motivated and on track. When you’re paying down debt and just looking at dollar amounts it can become demoralizing. However, creating a plan and breaking a plan into different sections can help keep the motivation going. For example, if you owe $10,000 in credit card debt using percentages can help us see that progress is being made. Also creating a plan may involve making additional payments each month or negotiating with your creditors for a lower interest rate. The goal of creating a plan is to help you both stay on track and monitor the progress.
4. Create a vision board together
What are some things you would like to accomplish as a couple? Are there ideas you have for investing? What is your purpose? What are some things you envision for your family? These can include family vacations, businesses, or freedom to travel. Whatever your answers are, find a magazine and cut out the different things that resemble those ideas. If you don’t have a magazine, then write them on a poster and get the poster framed. Manifesting what you envision for your family can help your spouse get on board with paying down debt. Walking by that poster will help you both remember your why, especially during the difficult times.
5. Set a deadline
When a plan is set in motion and amounts are being paid down, another idea to keep your partner motivated is to set a debt-free date. This can help light a fire under both of you to get the debt paid off as quickly as possible. When your almost to the finish line don’t lose sight of it. If the goal was to first tackle high interest debt setting that deadline is important because there is money being saved that can now be used to invest in learning new skills to help create a new source of income that can help you pay down more debt.
6. Take a class together
Before you discuss the plan of paying down debt. You can attend a class or workshop with your partner. Some of these events can be found on Eventbrite. Look to see if there are any events in your city or the neighboring cities around you. Some of these workshops last over the weekend and it’s a great opportunity to ask questions and engage. Sometimes there are books and workbooks sold at the workshops. Buying a workbook can help you discuss why paying off debt is important to the both of you.
7. Listen to a Personal Finance podcast together
Most of us have Spotify on our phones the podcast app on an iPhone. However, some of us are listening to music that does not address how we can pay our debt down and improve our finances. Sit down with your spouse and find a podcast that the both of you can listen to. Its important to take notes and talk about what you learned on that podcast. There are podcasts that interview couples who’ve paid down their debt and share their strategies on how to get started. Also, some of these podcasts have YouTube channels so you can watch the interviews from home together. Listening to a podcast together can help motivate your spouse to get on board with paying down debt.
8. Automate your payments to keep your plan in place
If you’ve discussed paying down debt, automating your payments can help keep budgets intact. Sometimes bills can have an odd due date, so you create a reminder to pay the amount due. Sometimes it may slip a spouse’s mind that a specific bill is due on a certain date, and they have to tell their partner that the account might be overdrawn due to money being moved out or used. Automating your payments can help you stay on track and avoid missed or late payments. This can also help to free up some cash each month that can be used towards debt repayment. When our payments are automated it also helps us to see how much money is left over so that we can use the extra funds to pay down debt.
9. Use rewards points
If you have credit cards with rewards points/dollars, you may be able to use them to help pay off your debt. Work with your spouse to see if this is an option for you and then put the extra cash towards debt repayment. Yes, I know that you would rather use the points at a nice hotel with a spa and infinity pool but paying down debt is important as well. Discuss with your spouse if they are comfortable using points to pay down debt. They most likely will not but it can prompt them to suggest other ways to pay down the debt 😊.
10. Get a side hustle
Working on a side hustle together to generate additional income can be a great way to speed up the process of paying off debt. Talk to your spouse about taking on a part-time job or starting a side hustle to bring in some extra money. Side hustles can be online or in person and discussing this with your spouse is very important because both options may require you to sacrifice hours after your 9-5 to work on. This is not easy for some due to the toll work can take on them. Getting a part-time job that you have to work in person might be too much so check out online side hustles and see which one is right for you.
11. Speak to a debt counselor or financial advisor
It’s extremely important to communicate openly about the situation with your spouse. Some of our debt can be worked on in house, but others will need the assistance from a debt counselor or financial advisor. This can be a difficult conversation to have, but it’s important to be honest about your financial situation and work together to find a solution. Speaking with a counselor can be a helpful step in developing a plan to pay down your debt. It’s important to find someone you trust and who has experience helping couples with their finances. Talking to a professional can be a helpful way to get started on the path to being in control of your finances. If you’re not sure where to start, you can research financial advisors in your city or consider speaking with a counselor at your local bank or credit union. They can help you understand your options and create a plan to pay down your debt.
12. Have patience
Paying off debt can be a long and difficult process. It’s important to have patience and stay motivated throughout the journey. Work together with your spouse and remember why you’re doing this. When we started paying down credit card debt, I remember looking at the $30,135 number and thought “How in the world are we going to pay this off?” We needed some divine intervention and were blessed to get it. When we both increased our income, we cut back more on our spending and paid down the amounts owed. Our goal is to enter 2023 with no credit card debt. In addition, my personal goal is to continue to serve my purpose and help as many people as I can through Signify. Remember this is a marathon and not a race, both spouses are going to need each other.
Conclusion
Finances are not always a comfortable topic. Sometimes it can be awkward due to circumstances some might be going through. Most of us have struggled with our finances because we have too much debt. When we began to pay down our debt, we started with a conversation. We knew that the debt was mounting and if we weren’t careful, we could go bankrupt. Together we created a plan and started with high interest debt. We paid over $1100 a month just on minimum payments. Paying off our credit card balances will help us save over $1100 a month. Seeing the utilization drop on the credit card totals keep us inspired to keep at it. If you have debt juts know that you’re not alone. We hope that you found these ideas helpful in getting your spouse on board with paying down debt. If you have any other suggestions, please let us know in the comments below. Debt can feel overwhelming, but by working together we can get rid of it and start building our financial future. Check out our other blog Financial Rules to Pay of your Debt